I love all music. I’m pretty loosey-goosey when it comes to art and what makes people happy.

If you are a painter, I’m not going to decide anything you make is not art. Sure, it may be one paint mark on a page – but sometimes that can accurately depict a sailboat or some other simple form that is easily missed.

Same goes for music, I’m not going to rip apart anyone’s musical artwork and decide it’s good or bad or not worthy of the name.

The only exception I make to that rule is ‘noise’ and that’s because noise isn’t music.

You can make noise all you want – that can be an art form in and of itself, if you’d like it to be.

However, it’s not music, and I don’t consider it music and don’t think about it in the same way.

Music has rhythm and melody. Or even just rhythm. In my mind, if I can dance to it, headband to it, or generally recognize some musical qualities – then it’s music!

I’m happy to review most types of music – made by HUMAN BEINGS.

As a software and electrical engineer, artificial intelligence is hugely useful. You know when you walk in a grocery store and the door opens for you so you don’t slam your face into the glass?

That’s artificial intelligence at it’s core. Simple sensors and motors that move in response. It’s the same way the traffic lights know you are waiting in a certain lane. It’s a sensor and a microcontroller.

That information and useful automation is NOT THE SAME as ‘generative ai’ or large language model artificial intelligence. Most ai for the last 50 years has been simple and improved our lives – just like the two examples above.

The two examples above don’t need to know anything other than ‘hey there is an object in this area’ – they aren’t scanning your license plate or face or stealing any data about you and sending it off to a internet server in some sketchy data center. They are just doing their job and changing the lights or opening a door.

Why am I going on this rant again? Because generative ai is trash and stealing humans jobs. Stealing human being’s hobbies. Stealing what they love from them. This isn’t opening a door that no one wants to open – this is making music humans would LOVE to make. This is writing articles humans would love to write.

Part of my starting this zine is because I’m pissed off at the human content stealing trash that is ai. Are you going to trust an album review generated by an ai? No. Because you are not a moron.

Now bringing this back to noise. Noise is essentially generated – it’s fans and screaching noises and background ‘fluff’ with no musical qualities. Most of it is leaning heavily on electronic looping tools.

I don’t like noise, I have no interest in listening to noise.

If you are a ‘noise punk’ band that is a little different. It better have some musical qualities and a beat to it. Same with ‘noise metal’.

I can tolerate some noise – I cannot tolerate pure noise.

Just because you had a computer generate 45 minutes of nonsense in audio format, does not mean I want to subject my ears to your pain.

What on earth is someone supposed to say in a review of ‘noise’ anyway?

Wow this one really made my ears bleed. Nothing of substance for 23 minutes straight! The blender really added something to the mix. Noise being noisy again. Who would have thought?!

So just like how ai generated nonsense isn’t music – noise is not music. I will not be reviewing noise.

If you send me straight noise in a request to review your album, you may be called out on this in the actual paper zine. You have been warned.

Noise isn’t music. Noise just happens to be in audio format, like how a dead bug is visual art… but just because you cut that recording into tracks doesn’t make it an album.

OPINION DROPPED > Comment your thoughts below.

I would love for someone to disagree with me and explain why you think noise is somehow music.

I’m genuinely baffled this is somehow a ‘genre’.